Would you believe that a complete stranger has already made an assumption of who you are and what you’re about within the first 3 seconds of looking at you, and this is even before a single word has rolled off your tongue. In this day and age, where time is a precious and ever dwindling commodity, we are forced to make decisions within the batting of an eyelid or risk being left behind.
So how do you make someone fancy you in 90 seconds or less then? Well, it all comes down to your body language and the non-verbal cues you send out that will say much more than mere words ever will.
The Power of The Unspoken Word
The following are a few essential techniques for you to practice before you should say even a single word to a stranger. These actions will convey confidence, likeability and will make you more approachable to not only women but anyone you may come across.
Eye Her Out
When making eye contact with a stranger the natural response after 3 seconds is to look away, this reaction has been hardwired into us from childhood so as not to make anyone feel uncomfortable or threatened – the phrase “it’s rude to stare” should come to mind. People with a low self-esteem will also look away or look down quickly in order not to come across as confrontational. However, this can become a powerful tool when used to your advantage. Try this, the next time you catch eyes with that hot Missie from across the bar, hold the stare until SHE turns away, which should be around the 3 second mark. Although she has just cast her gaze elsewhere you have now just non-verbally introduced yourself, now watch what happens. If she turns back for a second look, bingo she’s interested and you’ve made an impression on her.
The Creeping Smile
At this point follow up the shared gaze with a “creeping” (not creepy!) smile which should slowly creep its way over your face, taking a second longer than your usual smile. This reason you want to make the smile appear to grow across your face, is so that it will appear sincere and tailor made for her. Far too often people will flash a meaningless and “canned” smile that lacks any warmth, your new growing smile however will not.
Look Like A Somebody
Whilst out and about, pay careful attention to the following as they will convey confidence and attractiveness:
- An upright posture
- Standing tall
- Chin raised slightly
- Shoulders pulled slightly back
- Make eye contact (with those around you)
Open Up To Her
To make yourself more approachable and open to interaction, make sure you are conveying this through your body language. By this I mean opening up yourself completely:
- Uncross your legs, arms, hands, fingers or anything else that appears to be “unopen”
- Unbutton your jacket (or remove altogether)
- Remove your tie and unbutton your collar
- Use open hand gestures (i.e. hands spread slightly with palms facing upward)
- Open your posture to her (i.e. face her with your entire body)
- Do not stand holding your drink across and an in front of you (keep more to your side)
- Open your stance a little (and look comfortable)
- Don’t lean against walls, tables etc
Another very powerful technique is mirroring, this is where you will copy the actions of your conversation partner. For instance, if you are talking to a women and she happens to place her hand on her hip (which also lets you know she is getting into flirt mode) go ahead and place your sweaty paw onto your hip. Or if she moistens her lips (a very strong suggestion of interest – SOI), do the same and gently run your tongue over your lips.
Synchronicity (or mirroring) is very powerful in that, unconsciously the other person is picking up that you are very similar to them. This is very effective in building what’s called rapport (a personal connection) because people like people like themselves, this is why you and your best friend may share the same passions and interests or that you and the rest of your family have a similar sense of humour. Go on try it, and see the difference it makes, however be subtle with your gestures or will come across as creepy.
Make a note to practice these behaviours the next time you’re out on the town, and I can guarantee you will not only feel more confident in yourself but will also be attracting a lot more attention.