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Beat the Booze Survival Guide

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Unless you are an unfortunate who happens to be allergic to alcohol, the chances are you’ve drunk to excess at some point. We all have stories to tell, often involving phrases like “…then I woke up in an alley”, “…no idea where my keys were”, and “…turns out she had a cock”. Therefore, with your well-being in mind, Mantality supplies the following gadgets to ensure you make it home with all your bones intact. Unfortunately, at the time of writing, we still can’t find one that determines whether your date is carrying a little extra downstairs!

FIREFLY NIGHTSTICK

No more stumbling down unlit streets or across treacherous fields in the pitch dark. The chemical reaction in this product gives approximately 8 hours of light, meaning you can pretend you’re at an ’80s acid party all night and still find your way home afterwards.

ECCO II GPS LOCATOR

So small it doubles as a key fob, this impressive gizmo is essential for nights out in unfamiliar territory. Simply save the coordinates of your intended bed for the night and the ECCO II will show you the way to go home at the press of a button. Obviously, there are levels of drunkenness above which even simple button-pressing is an impossible task. That’s why it would be prudent to invest in the next item as a backup.

TAGZ SCROLLING MESSAGE LED BADGE

Whilst this was originally designed as a novel way of sending messages across crowded nightclubs, the fact that the text is user-programmable allows you to turn it into an electronic ‘Return To Sender’ label. Just type in ‘If found, return to…’ followed by your address, and let the basic goodness of humanity do the rest. For those embittered cynics out there who choose to believe that people are more likely to take your keys and clean out your home while you sleep, it might be better to use the phone number of a responsible adult.

TRUE UTILITY LOCKLIGHT

There’s nothing worse than making it all the way home, only to be defeated by the front door. So, rather than sleep on the doorstep until either daybreak or the police arrive, Locklight fits any standard key and illuminates the keyhole when squeezed. Whether you pick the right one from the three that are in front of your blurred vision is a different matter, but at least you can see them!

DIGITAL ALCOHOL BREATHALYSER

Apologies for ending on a serious note, but people who drive at a snail’s pace on the wrong side of the road aren’t the only ones who fall foul of the law. The human body needs time to process alcohol and no amount of black coffee or egg whites can speed it up. After a heavy night, it’s possible to have residual alcohol in the bloodstream until well into the next morning. A quick blow into this breathalyser takes all the guesswork away, letting you drive with confidence.

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About Author

Lover of gadgets, men's culture, cool stuff, Earl Grey tea and all things manly. An optimist in his prime. When he's not keeping the wheels turning at Mantality HQ you'll find him trawling the web, and visiting trade shows to find the newest and coolest gadgets. During his down time he's usually with his 2 dogs, on the golf course, cycling or basking in the literary company of Oscar Wilde, Bret Easton Ellis or Martin Amis whilst drinking espresso strong enough to strip paint.

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