© By Jack744 for Mantality.co.za
So, your partner’s birthday is rapidly approaching, and you can no more think of a suitable present than you can account for Justin Bieber’s continuing success. It’s safe to say that every man who has ever been in a relationship has experienced this, but the rich ones just throw money at someone else to do the shopping. For the rest of us, here are a few tips that ought to prevent all the tears and hysteria. Well, hers anyway.
Remember the episode of the Simpsons when Homer’s birthday present to his wife was a bowling ball, with his name engraved on it? That. Never buy anything that you can even remotely use yourself, because she will assume that’s why you got it. For example, a Nintendo Wii with Wii Fit is a nice idea (unless she’s overweight, but that’s another blog), until she sees you playing baseball. At that point, it becomes your Wii, and you become a bastard. The exceptions to this rule are any activities specifically designed for couples, such as this Moonlight Spa and Dinner.
For Christ’s Sake, Listen…
The majority of women are very sure of what they want from life, and this definitely applies to presents. We’ve said it before, but we’ll say it again: next time you’re out shopping with your better half, try to stop your mind wandering and listen to everything she says. Key phrases to pick up on include, “Ooh, that’s nice”, “That’d look great on me, but I can’t really justify the expense”, and “cough…birthday…cough”. It’s amazing how often a guy will laugh at the last one of those, and then promptly forget all about it. If you can’t retain such an important snippet of information for more than a day, write it down somewhere.
If you’re one of these crazy mavericks who chooses to ignore all the hints and go it alone, then you must rely on your powers of observation. What kind of clothes does she wear? Is she a hippie chick, or more of a smart casual girl? Flat or heels? All important questions and, if they mean nothing to you, perhaps it’s best to stay away from apparel. Jewellery is always a useful bolt-hole, although there are two potential pitfalls to watch for. Firstly, you have to establish what, if any, type of jewellery she likes – there’s no point buying a butterfly pendant if her fingers are weighed down with skull rings. Secondly, unless you’re already engaged or married, never present her with a small square box. Women can’t help their imaginations running wild and, if the contents don’t then produce a diamond and a proposition, disappointment often follows.
Don’t Toy With Her
Sex toys are perfect for spicing up life in the bedroom but never, ever buy her one as a main present. Ever! If your good lady finds her solitary gift to be a butt plug, then you could well experience firsthand why most women aren’t too keen on having things up there. Try to find out what vibrator she already owns (she does, you just haven’t found it yet!) and get something similar. To begin with, keep it simple, avoiding anything named ‘Intruder’, or ‘Penetrator’. Then, over a couple of drinks, tell her you’ve kept back a ‘special’ present. If you’re lucky, you’ll get to test drive it that very night!