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Lost in Translation: Why Men Are Always Wrong

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© By Jack744 for Mantality.co.za

Have you ever wondered why a seemingly innocent statement can turn your better half from a bundle of loveliness into a fire-breathing dragon? One moment you’re all over each other like a rash, the next she’s throwing plates. And, as you’re dodging lethal crockery, we guarantee the following words are flashing across your mind:

“WHAT DID I SAY?”

Well, a new scientific study* has found that women have a genetic defect in their inner ear that changes the makeup of sound waves as they pass by. Effectively, the words that leave a guy’s mouth are not the same words that reach her brain, leaving us wide open to disastrous misunderstandings. Here are just a few examples:

YOU SAY: “I’m just not ready for commitment yet.”

SHE HEARS: “I’m only staying with you until someone prettier turns up.”


YOU SAY:
“It’s only a guy’s weekend in Sun City. I don’t see what the problem is.”

SHE HEARS: “I’m off for two nights of debauchery, probably involving strippers. If, and that’s a big if, I call you, I’ll barely be able to hide the resentment that you’re dragging me away from my fun.”


YOU SAY:
“OK, I’ll do it later.”

SHE HEARS: “Go away, you silly girl. I have no intention of doing anything later. Whatever it was can join the half-stripped bathroom and not-yet-hung mirror on the list of unfinished masterpieces.”


YOU SAY:
“There’s a new girl at work, Nadine. I didn’t speak to her, but she seems nice.”

SHE HEARS: “There’s a gorgeous new girl at work called Nadine who, frankly, pisses all over you when it comes to looks, personality and even aura. I’m now going to spend every waking moment thinking about her. You may as well give up now.”

YOU SAY: “I’m not blaming you.”

SHE HEARS: “Remember that scene in Pulp Fiction, where Bruce Willis is all forgiveness and light until he gets in his car and explodes in a fit of rage and blame? That’s me five minutes after you leave the room. Your ears will be burning so much you’ll need to stick your head into this.”

Unfortunately, it’s impossible to know what version of ear each woman is using, and no universal translators exist. Given that anything can set your partner off, at any time, it might be an idea to have one of these romantic gifts up your sleeve.

*Not actually scientific. Or even a study.

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About Author

Lover of gadgets, men's culture, cool stuff, Earl Grey tea and all things manly. An optimist in his prime. When he's not keeping the wheels turning at Mantality HQ you'll find him trawling the web, and visiting trade shows to find the newest and coolest gadgets. During his down time he's usually with his 2 dogs, on the golf course, cycling or basking in the literary company of Oscar Wilde, Bret Easton Ellis or Martin Amis whilst drinking espresso strong enough to strip paint.

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