Not rocket science, is it? But if left alone desire can dwindle, passion can part and what’s left is pretty dull, mediocre, routine sex that would make even the frigid old cat lady down the street shake her head in dire disdain. The truth is she wants it too. Her desire, like a dormant volcano, is waiting to erupt – and it’s you, no one else, that needs to make her realise this.
Create The Desire By Making Her Feel Sexy
Take a look at the word “sexy” and you may notice a familiar and key word in there: “SEX”. It’s there for a reason. Sex and sexiness – stay with me here – have a close correlation, where you find one you’re bound to find the other (a bit like brand new loafers and partially hidden dog turds). But sexiness needs to be created, nurtured and unleashed. And guess who the one person is that holds this power to make her feel her sexiest? The very person she has chosen to be with. You sir, are that person! Whatever magical qualities you possess, however incredible your charm once was (or currently is), she has taken herself off the market because you turn her on, you make her heart skip a beat, you light her fire, you get her crotch moist. But how do you get the fire ablaze, ignite the passion, get her riled up for romance? Would you believe it’s the small things that make the biggest impact. Grand gestures are all fine and dandy every now and then but hold no real weight when it comes to luring her to your loins. You need to be subtle, consistent and even patient.
Sexy Nothings Mean Everything
When was the last time you left a sexy note lying around where you knew she would find it? Or when was the last time she received a sexy SMS or email from you? These are little things that make a big impact. Try leaving the following note lying around (or sending a text message) one day saying: “Honey, is it really necessary for you to drive me insanely wild with desire, looking as sexy as you did (the other morning) wearing your pin-striped pencil skirt and heels?!” By being slightly cocky and playful, as well as being specific about what she was wearing, you’re letting her know that she can’t slip out, in all her ravishing glory, without you noticing it – it implies you still see her in that light. What light you ask? The “my goodness you are a sexy minx and you still rock my world” light of course.
Other things to consider might be:
- Leaving sexy gifts lying around. Drill bits, and lofty titanium wedges aren’t sexy so think about her here!
- Buying her lingerie (make sure and find out, subtly, what her size is otherwise things could go horribly awry here. Too small and she’ll think you a moron for getting it wrong after all these years/months/days; too big and she’ll think you see her as a bloated manatee in heels and a skirt)
- Cook her a “sexy” meal, such as: sushi, home-made pizza or something that involves nibbling/slow eating or using your fingers. Making desserts will trump any meal – hands down. And mom doesn’t need to know that dessert is the only thing on the menu does she?! (oh and leave a little whipped cream and/or chocolate for later on. Wink! Wink!)
- Naughty vouchers or sexy board games
- A saucy last-minute lunch (tell her to leave her knickers in her handbag)
- Hide things around the house, make up a list of clues then send her on a Sexy Scavenger Hunt (make the last item hidden in your pocket or briefs, but preferably not between your butt cheeks – especially if it’s chocolate or something edible – food is impossible to clean out of there)
- Whisper raunchy murmurs into her ear whilst out in public.
- Give her a gift voucher to spend at an adult shop or erotic boutique (and tell her “3:2:1 go!” as in, 3: items for you as a couple; 2: purely for her enjoyment; and 1: just for you. Watch her go to town with this idea. Literally!)
- Buy her pole dancing lessons. Women love learning things, now imagine giving her something to learn, whilst being sexy and having fun, AND also burning calories. Erecting a pole in the bedroom could be tricky though, so perhaps try “erecting” something else for her to fawn/fuss over whilst cavorting around you in her stripper attire?
- And if all else fails: hand write her a suggestive and racy note, highlighting everything you find sexy about her, what she does that you find sexy, and possibly a couple of things you might want her to do to you. Be specific as possible, leave nothing open to interpretation!
Listen To Her Desires and Wants
And don’t judge, only do! You’re not the only with raunchy role-playing fantasies, or an idea for a kinky misadventure. She wants these too! She also wants to feel naughty by pulling you into a restaurant’s bathroom to “inspect her plumbing,” or going out in public wearing nothing but Chanel No. 5 underneath, or coming home to her man (wrapped in nothing but an apron) tending to a hob full of simmering pots and an oven exploding with balmy aromas.
But the problem is we’re not always exactly forthcoming with our deepest, darkest desires. So try sharing a list of things you both desire, written on a sheet of paper – handed over or left somewhere. You both need to make it very clear that you will not judge and that anything goes – within the realms of both written and unwritten laws of course (an idea of getting shagged rotten amongst the fountains in Sandton Square will not only leave you both with painful, industrial strength enemas, but might also land the two of you in jail – where the sex (I hear) is not very pleasant!) And it’s also important to try EVERYTHING on the list at least once, or if either one of you is not entirely comfortable with something: find a compromise you’re both happy with before moving down the list. The list may well start out tame/timid, but as confidence builds it will get racier and raunchier.
(For the Ladies) Make Your Man Feel Sexy
Sexy is as sexy does! Meaning, that men also can benefit from feeling like a sexy stud. And what man, being labelled a sexy stud by his missus, is not going to try everything in his “arsenal of arousal” to make sure he lives up to his new title.
So go ahead and tell us: how strong we are for opening up that seemingly welded-shut jar of jam, how you love it when we take charge in the bedroom, what we’re doing right when we go down on you (and give us a few pointers on how to really send you over the edge), make certain we catch you eye-humping us when we’re wearing something dapper and debonair, or how you like us cooking for you and even getting a little giddy when we offer to do so, or even asking us to squish the vampire moth that’s flitting about treacherously close to your jugular, or absolutely anything else that’ll make us feel like we’ve buttoned down the tricky task of being a man – and a desirable one at that. It’s not a matter of manipulative ego-stroking here, but more a case of pandering to a man’s rudimentary desire to protect, dominate and pleasure his woman.
The most important thing fellas: is to sit up and take notice of what is turning her on. What is she reading? What is she watching? What does she wear? Comments made? And if you’re going through a rocky patch or the stench of her sexual frigidity is making you dry heave: be patient and start with a few small things. She might not even take notice at first but slowly build the desire (using some of the aforementioned), bit by bit, until one evening you’re both enjoying a seemingly innocuous bowl of pea and ham soup at the dinner table and she can’t take it any longer and jumps your bones, right there on the dining room table! (Think sensuous moans muffled by bread rolls, Shiraz dribbling down the inside of her thigh; lapping up mouthfuls of tepid pea soup from her yearning torso, all while you playfully pummel her pert derriere with the salad spoon!)
By James Mew for Mantality.co.za