As far as relationship advice for men goes, us poor fellas are left in the dark somewhat. Books are few and far between and Hollywood’s portrayal of the ideal boyfriend/husband only accentuates what an unreliable horde of sex-craved Neanderthals we are – an endearment we’ve work hard to achieve.
Trawl the sex and relationship aisles of any book shop and you’re sure to find a slew of titles for women harping on about what schmucks men are and that they’re from an entirely different ‘planet’ (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) or how men are only looking for emotionally unavailable, fire-breathing ice queens, who should find girly delight and merriment in placing their man’s (physical and) emotional nuts in a bench vice and squeezing the beejezus out them day in and day out, in sickness and in health till death do they part (Why Men Marry Bitches).
David Deida’s: The Way of the Superior Man is a refreshingly new read that gives the sex-craved Neanderthals some real advice and guidance for a change, exploring some interesting concepts such as sexual energies, a man’s meaning and purpose, rape and dominance (and the common women’s fantasy of being overpowered), emotion etc.
I “read” this as an audio book (some food for thought whilst working out in the mornings) and as a whole found it quite interesting and enlightening. I would certainly recommend it to those looking for more of an explanation into the reasons why attraction and relationships don’t always run as smoothly as one would hope.
The book sets out in practical and concise language clear and simple advice, each in a short section. Much of this is stuff we “already know,” but need reminding of from time to time. So it’s worthwhile to keep this book around, just to pick up from time to time, scan the table of contents, and read one of the 3-8 page sections that attracts you at the time.
Let me give you an example. The first part of the book, “A Man’s Way,” lays out these precepts:
- Stop hoping for completion in anything in life.
- Live with an open heart even if it hurts.
- Live as if your father were dead.
- Know your real edge and don’t fake it.
- Always hold to your deepest realization.
- Never change your mind just to please a woman.
- Your purpose must come before your relationship.
- Lean just beyond your edge.
- Do it for love.
- Enjoy your friends’ criticism.
- If you don’t know your purpose, discover it, now. Be willing to change everything in your life. Don’t use your family as an excuse. Don’t get lost in the tasks and duties. Stop hoping for your woman to get easier
Sound simple, don’t they? Unless you have to put them to work in your own life. If one of the precepts make you go “Gulp!” you’ll probably want to read that section. Do some of them sound like “iron-clad” rules, or sound outrageous? As Deida lays out his explanation for each of these, you’re likely to decide that what he says does make a lot of sense.
At heart, this is a book about sexual energies, sexual essences. About 90% of the people have a more masculine or a more feminine sexual essence. Men who have a stronger masculine sexual essence are drawn toward women who have strong feminine essences, while those who are more balanced seek partners who are also more balanced. There’s no “judgment” in saying this; people are just difference. Building from this, Deida makes a point similar to Aaron Kipnis and Liz Herron in What Women and Men Really Want (originally published as Gender War, Gender Peace) (order on-line) and James Sniechowski and Judith Sherven in The New Intimacy. (order on-line) The goal is to honor and respect these differences. Or more precisely in the case of this book, to dance the dance of creative engagement, allowing you to be true to your own sexual essence and drawing out hers.
Written by, Entree: James Mew. Main Course: Bert H. Hoff
