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Making the Move from Friend to Lover


So, lately you have been noticing your lady friend a little more than usual. The way she brushes her fingers through her ravishing hair makes your heart pulsate. The way her dimples show whenever she smiles just warms your heart. Things have come to a point where she is constantly hogging your mind. You enjoy her company and both of you share boundless laughter together. The only problem: you don’t want to risk ruining your platonic relationship.

Each day passes by, and rancor begins to fester. You definitely relate to Jim Halpert in the early seasons of The Office. The forlorn love poem “I prefer to love you in silence because in silence, I find no regrets” begins to internalize. Unrequited love can be so painful!

Take the Plunge

Sure, things may get a little awkward —and you may get your heart broken— but do you really want to spend your days moping and pinning hopes for a girl who may or may not reciprocate your love? Instead of being wishy washy, be a man about it and declare your love! Make known your feelings and intentions to the girl of your dreams! You may get your heart broken and your ego bruised, but trust us, this is the lesser of two evils (the other being trapped in love limbo).

Setting The Mood

Bring her out to dinner. Be careful not to choose a family restaurant; not only does it not suit the purport of your dinner, it is way too early to be thinking about starting a family with her. Instead, choose a romantic, exquisite restaurant, one which is not the usual hangout place. This way, she will get a sense that something’s about to happen. Do not put too much pressure on yourself; treat this as a casual date.

End the date somewhere quiet; someone where you can make your feelings known without the whole world knowing about it. This way, if she does reject you, you won’t have to burrow yourself into an abyss of nothingness.

Knowing The Right Words To Say

Unless you have harbored a crush on her for a very long time now, avoid using words like “love” or “eternity”. A simple “lately, I have been having these feelings for you” would suffice. Tell her the things you have noticed of her, and how she makes you feel. It is probably a good idea to think this through rather than adopt a “just wing it” attitude.

Do not take it personally if she tells you she needs time to think about it. An overreaction on your part would be to disdainfully say, “What? I’m not good enough for you? I’m a catch!” She may have her reservations because she values this friendship as much as you do. Give her some breathing space and the time she needs. Don’t be overly pushy in the next few days, and let nature take its course.

If She Doesn’t Feel the Same Way

Yes, it’s a crushing feeling to know she only saw you as a brother all this while, seeing how incest is illegal in most countries. However, it is not the end of the world. Things will only be awkward between the two of you from this moment on, if you choose to make it so. There is no need for you to start taking the stairs to avoid seeing her in the lift (if she’s a co-worker). There is no need for you to start sitting out of gatherings and be an absentee.

Now that you have your answer, you can start dating other women on your radar. However, take heart knowing that not all hope is lost. Now that you have confessed your feelings to her, you have also opened up possibilities. She may picture the two of you together. She may even to feel the feelings she did not know existed. So, do not get too serious into a relationship just for the time being.

By XY Boon for


About Author

Lover of gadgets, men's culture, cool stuff, Earl Grey tea and all things manly. An optimist in his prime. When he's not keeping the wheels turning at Mantality HQ you'll find him trawling the web, and visiting trade shows to find the newest and coolest gadgets. During his down time he's usually with his 2 dogs, on the golf course, cycling or basking in the literary company of Oscar Wilde, Bret Easton Ellis or Martin Amis whilst drinking espresso strong enough to strip paint.

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