Male Grooming: The Bare Minimum in 2011


© By Jack744 for

Not so long ago, if someone had called you a Metrosexual then you wouldn’t have known what they were talking about. These days, saying that a man “looks after himself” is a euphemism no more, and many women have come to expect a guy to be well-groomed. However, just like everything else in life, you can have too much of a good thing. Personal appearance is, well, personal, but if you follow this advice you won’t go far wrong.


Take a good look at Michael Douglas. Go on, look at him. That leathery skin is partly the result of half his bodily fluids ending up in countless women, but it’s also because he clearly didn’t moisturize during his wild days. There’s no need to start visiting facial spas just yet (which may still be a euphemism), as long as you use a decent skincare product such as this Baxters of California kit.


The word ‘manicure’ has the average guy imagining acrylic and nail polish. Think about it for a minute, though. If your unkempt nails are harbouring enough dirt to grow potatoes, how many women are going to let your hands anywhere near them? Once again, we’re not suggesting you get down to the nearest nail bar and start bitching about your friends. A simple manicure set will get the job done in no time.


As a basic rule of thumb, if your lady doesn’t know whether to sleep with you or take you for a walk, then you probably have too much hair. There are several removal methods available, and men’s waxing is one that is gradually pushing its way out of the shadows. It has the advantage of being relatively quick, although it hurts like the devil. Do not be tempted to have the ‘sack and crack’ done – the first time you drop your pants in front of a girl, she’ll think it’s a snake poking its head over a couple of plums.


Ha! Just put that in to make sure you were paying attention, although this torture treatment does exist. Apparently, it’s bleach that adds a little milk to your chocolate starfish to lighten it. Unless you are considering a career in gay porn, it’s probably worth steering clear of this.


Here is where the most care is needed. If you have a giant, caterpillar-like monobrow then feel free to pluck away until they’re a normal size. Try your best to avoid the Christiano Ronaldo look, though. Yes, a lot of females find him attractive and, yes, he is a talented footballer, but those sculpted eyebrows just make him look like a dick. Sticking with the eye area, using this Energy Eyes roll on daily will help get rid of dark circles, making your boss less likely to think you’re hung-over.


By all means style, highlight or shave your hair. After all, it is yours. However, should the dreaded thinning start, there are products like the American Crew Recovery System that may be able to stop the rot. If nothing works, for Christ’s sake just shave it all off! Unless you are unlucky enough to be losing hair AND have a head shaped like a giant cock, it will look infinitely better than a comb-over.


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