What Women Already Know About Us

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© By Jack744 for Mantality.co.za

In a recent article article, Mantality exposed one or two lesser known home truths about the fairer sex. To keep the balance, this post lists four lies that men tell on a regular basis in the mistaken belief that they’ll get away with it. Guess what, we don’t. Almost all women know they’re lies, but just can’t be bothered making a fuss. Unfortunately, the average male, having as much empathy as a garden fence, then feels emboldened enough to go onto the next whopper. Meanwhile, the girl just thinks he’s a prick.

So, unless you’re talking to someone who ought to be locked up for their own protection, stay away from the following pearls of bullshit.

THEY KNOW WHAT YOU’RE UP TO IN THE JOHN

Let’s get this one out of the way right now. As the classic statistic goes, “65% of men admit to masturbating. The other 35% are lying bastards”. She knows you weren’t having trouble changing the toilet roll. She also knows that when she goes out, your trousers are round your ankles before the door clicks shut. Armed with that knowledge, the next time you’re asked if you play with yourself, don’t lie. Chances are she does it herself and, by being open about it, there’s no reason why you can’t buy the Monkey Spanker and go for it together. Having said that, try not to let her catch you watching Dreamgirls with a box of tissues, or she will just think you’re a wanker.

THEY INSTINCTIVELY KNOW HOW MUCH GIFTS COST

There are as many chick flicks about shopping as there are movies involving guns, babes and gadgets. How you would react if someone bought you an Etch-a-Sketch and told you it was the brand new iPad? Exactly! So, if you buy her a pair of last year’s shoes that are on sale, DO NOT attempt to pass them off as the latest fashion. Under no circumstances should you claim you paid top dollar for them, especially if you value your testicles. She will tell you exactly what they cost… and then she will leave you. If you can’t afford the most recent designer gear, spa days are always a great backup plan.

WHAT LOVELY FLOWERS…YOU BASTARD!

Most men know this one like an old friend yet never seem to learn. Unless it’s something you’ve done on a regular basis from day one, don’t even think about randomly buying flowers. As for lingerie, that’s best kept for when you are tired of life. Unsolicited gifts like these immediately put women on high alert, so if you’ve been a naughty boy don’t draw attention to yourself. If you haven’t, and you want to treat her, just pick up one of the hints dropped every time you go shopping. Surprise her with a dress she actually wants and you’ll get points for generosity and listening!

IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME

Anybody who uses this line to dump someone, deserves everything they get. To a female, far from letting her down lightly, it’s the equivalent of calling her a total bitch whose physical appearance makes you want to vomit. Should you need to end a relationship, try to be as honest as possible without actually telling the truth. For example, if you can’t stand the sight of her just say you think her father wants you dead. It’ll be easier in the long run and, if her friends don’t think you’re a bastard, you’ll have a much better chance of shagging one of them!

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