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Wicked Wit: Euphemisms


Never be at a loss for less than an witty euphemism, the next time you’re confronted with one of mother nature’s genetical blunders:

  • His elevator doesn’t go all the way up to the top floor
  • He’s one drop short of an empty bladder
  • He’s one sultana short of a total fruitcake
  • She’s one tit short of an udder
  • He’s the statue in a world of pigeons
  • Oil doesn’t reach his dipstick
  • He’s a titanic intellect in a world full of icebergs
  • He’s not the freshest egg in the carton
  • He has a one way ticket on the Disorientated Express
  • He missed the last train to Clue Junction
  • There’s a kangaroo loose in his top paddock
  • He’s swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool
  • He’s driving down the road of life with the handbrake on

© The Mammoth Book of Insults


About Author

Lover of gadgets, men's culture, cool stuff, Earl Grey tea and all things manly. An optimist in his prime. When he's not keeping the wheels turning at Mantality HQ you'll find him trawling the web, and visiting trade shows to find the newest and coolest gadgets. During his down time he's usually with his 2 dogs, on the golf course, cycling or basking in the literary company of Oscar Wilde, Bret Easton Ellis or Martin Amis whilst drinking espresso strong enough to strip paint.

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